The Secret Book of Lila:
64 Exercises for a Healthy Sex Life
By Ton van der Kroon
The man [sees] the woman as a
Goddess
The woman [sees] the man as a
God.
By joining the diamond scepter and lotus,
They should make offerings to each other.
There is no worship apart
from this.
Candamaharosana-tantra
Introduction
At the end of the month I spent
traveling in India I ended up in a little town on the ocean called
Mahabalipuram, an old temple city. The moment I stepped out of the bus an
Indian boy approached me. “You search lodging? I bring you. To Laksmi-lodge.
It’s your place.”
“No thank you,” I replied. “I
don’t want it.”
The boy insisted, as is the
custom in India. I was used to it after a month of traveling. “No”, I said,
“Please leave me alone.” But whatever I did, the boy kept following me.
“Laksmi-lodge..” he said. At one point I turned to him and said: “I don’t want
to be rude, but I want to be alone!! Please leave me.”
In the end he finally did, but
the name of Laksmi-lodge kept echoing in my mind. In some moments you don’t
know anymore if they hypnotize you in some way, or that it is your destiny to
end up in a certain place. After a stroll to the beach, and trying to be as
non-inquisitive as possible, I ended up in.....Laksmi lodge. The moment I came
in I had an eerie feeling. I somehow knew the place. After I got a room I read
some brochure about the place and discovered it had been a former brothel. I
took my dinner upstairs on the verandah and while I was sitting there the place
became more and more familiar..... In front of my mind’s eye a whole movie
started to play. I remembered the little courtyard, the doors to all the rooms
located around the center, and at some point I could see the women walking
around waiting for a client or trying to tempt one of them into their little
temples...
Lakshmi was a cheap brothel,
nothing special and it was run by an old French lady, coming out of the French
enclave Pondicherry. The women were her ‘girls’, and she had a way of being
chic and stern. She was quite a character and had everything under control.
Many fisherman and sailors visited the place. They were coming from Bombay or
were traveling to Pondicherry. It was a lively place, with many secrets, gossip
and a mixed vibe of erotic and jealous tension.
When I went to my room the film
in front of my eyes went on and I ‘remembered’ something surprising, to say the
least: I had been one ‘of the girls’. suddenly it became all clear. I had a
past-life experience or memory of having lived there as one of the courtesans,
or prostitutes, as we were called by the westerners. I couldn’t stop the memory
anymore and I could feel my body changing: I knew vividly how it was to be a
woman, how to dress up, to walk in a feminine way, how to seduce men, and how
to give them pleasures in bed. As a man this was quite a new experience.... Now
I am not the macho type, and I have quite a strong feminine character, but this
went even two steps further. I could clearly feel how it was to make love to a
man being a woman. It was the most extraordinary experience and very insightful
to feel the difference between masculine and feminine energy and the difference
between a male and female body. It was most enjoyable and revealing.
The next day I woke up early
and decided I wanted to see the old temple. I ‘knew’ the route, as I used to
walk it every day. The other girls thought I was silly, to go to the temple
each morning. They laughed at me and called me names. “Look at her, being so
holy. As if she is Laksmi herself. Don’t think you are better then us, Lila.
You’re just a prostitute, like all of us.” My true name was Lalita, but
everyone called me Lila. The mother, as we called the French madam, didn’t say
anything.
I walked my route to the temple
and paid my respect to the temple guard and local priest. I gave him a tip so
he and others would not bother me. I entered the temple, went around and ended
in front of the statue of the sleeping Vishnu. I adored him. I thought he was
my husband and everything that happened in my life I discussed with him. Since
I was a little girl I had a strong attraction to be a courtesan. The whole idea
was so familiar to me. For me it wasn’t ‘dirty or cheap’. It was one of the
most holy professions and from deep inside my soul I connected to the old tantric
wisdom that had been forgotten long ago. An aunt had told me about it sometime,
but most of it had been lost.
I prayed in front of Vishnu and
asked for consolation and wisdom. Some time ago a Portuguese man had come and
fallen in love with me. He had visited me several times and had proposed to me.
He wanted to marry me and take me to his homeland. Now normally I wouldn’t fall
in love with clients, - this was
against the rule - but this man triggered something in me and the whole case
didn’t leave my mind. What was I to do? He would come in a few days time again,
before going back by ship to Mumbay and then to Europe. I searched for clarity
and peace of mind. ‘Should I follow him?’ I asked myself. ‘This is absurd. I
had told him over and over again that my life and love was dedicated to the
Goddess, and I wasn’t in the position to marry him. Period.’ but inside I
trembled and felt my soul stir. What if...? Would I love him? How would his
homeland be? I put my doubts at the feet of Vishnu, and suddenly I heard the
voice of the Goddess in my mind; “Go with him. It is granted. But not with the
purpose you or he has in mind. You are to marry him and follow him to Portugal,
but your true mission is to bring the knowledge of sexuality to the western
countries. You are blessed.” I was stunned. I was about to go on a big
adventure, leaving the brothel, and traveling to another world and become a
wife of someone. The whole idea filled me with awe and power which one feels
when destiny is calling.
Before I returned to Lakshmi
lodge I said silently good-bye to all my familiar places: the ancient rock
temple behind the temple of Vishnu, the busy marketplace, the boys in their
riksja’s and several clients that passed by. My life was about to take a sharp
turn, and I didn’t know how it would end. Would they have temples in the West?
Would they devote themselves to the Goddess? I wondered.....
While walking back I slowly returned to my present life,
being a normal tourist in Mahabalipuram. I was about to fly the next day from
Madras to Mumbay and then back home to Amsterdam. Back to work, which meant
finishing my book which I had been writing over the last two years; The title:
‘The mystic rose; relationships and sexuality as a way to God.’ Suddenly some
things clicked into place; ‘bringing the knowledge of sexuality to the western
countries’ the Goddess had said. It seemed I was still busy with that in this
lifetime, and my visit to Laksmi-lodge had been a confirmation of my work.
I ordered a riksja to bring me
to the airport and it happened to be the boy who picked me out of the bus when
I had arrived. “See,” he said with a broad grin on his face.” You had to go to
Laksmi-lodge. It was your destiny.”
‘Tricked again,’ I thought, but
then again, he was right. I paid him for the ride and looked at his face, and
then it dawned on me. He had been the same in my other lifetime; He had loved
me and was always after me but never being able to get me. I had granted him
though to bring me away when I left for my Portuguese adventure, and he was
very happy and proud.
Back home again, I thought
about my adventure in India and the special past-life remembrance in
Mahabalipuram. I sat down in front of the computer and suddenly saw myself
typing: ‘64 Exercises for a Healthy Sex Life: the Secret Book of Lila.’......
64 exercises for a healthy
sex life
This is the introduction to the
course for the Mystic Rose, a tantric course for couples. It will constitute of
exercises and knowledge about the intensification of sexual pleasure and its
healthy and enjoyable aspects. All exercises are to be learned with gentleness,
ease and without any stress. Never force yourself nor change your behavior
drastically. Make it a smooth transition towards a more erotic life. Abrupt
changes will disturb the system and create a backlash.
Most exercises require an
intimate bond between partners which is already stabilized. Don’t do these
exercises with partners when you are not sure you want to develop the
relationship or when you know each other for two years or shorter. They are
very powerful and create a strong energetic bond, which will create pain when
the relationship is ended afterwards.
The practice of these exercises
is your own responsibility.
Author’s note: As you will read
the texts you will find some of them are quite imperative: you must do this,
you shouldn’t do that etc. I thought of changing the language to one that is
more about free choice, but then I realized this is the way the tend to speak
in India in this most funny accent: “Sir, you must come with me. You should go
there. etc.” So I decided to leave the text as it is. Whenever you read ‘must’
or ‘should’, take it with a little grain of salt and a smile. The universe is
one of free choice, so do what you need to do.
Copyright © 2003 by Ton van der Kroon,
all rights reserved
1. Sex: good or bad?
Sexual energy is in itself
neither good nor bad. It just is. It is one of the most powerful life-forces
inside the human body, to be used, to be neglected or to be abused. Sexual
energy can be directed either upward, towards enlightenment and liberation
through devotion to the partner and to the divine, or it can be directed
downward into lust and possession, through the attraction of the ego and
self-centeredness.
One who desires Buddhahood
Should practice what is to be practiced.
To renounce the sense objects
Is to torture oneself by asceticism-don't do
it!
When you see form, look!
Similarly, listen to sounds,
Inhale scents,
Taste delicious flavors,
Feel textures.
Use the objects of the five senses -
You will quickly attain
supreme Buddhahood.
Candamaharosana-tantra
2. The three practices
The use of sexuality contains
three parts: knowledge, devotion, and practice. Knowledge is the exercise of
the mind, devotion is the exercise of the heart and practice is the exercise of
the body and soul. When all three are practiced together in perfect harmony the
essence of love can permeate the soul and one attains a state of bliss and
eternal youth.
The exercises described in this
paper are to unfold all three aspects of the use of sexuality, both mind, heart
and body.
3. One or more partners?
One can attain liberation
through multiple partners, or through the commitment to one partner only. Both
ways have good and bad sides and their temptations and pitfalls.
To have multiple partners means
a complete commitment to oneself and the spiritual path. One should not get
attached to any partner but have unconditional love towards all. It mirrors the
path of the renunciates, monks and nuns who don’t have any sexual contacts.
This completely non-committed attitude of detachment is not easy. The danger
exists that one commits oneself a little to one partner, then a little to the
next, and so on. In this state one will never be able to completely devote
oneself to the Self, nor to the Other. This brings a series of unfulfilled
relationships and disappointments under the so-called name of freedom. But in
essence one is not free; the truth is one cannot choose between two paths; one
can neither commit oneself to a partner, nor to the Self. This brings
unhappiness and a constant searching for fulfillment. One has to choose one way
or the other.
The choice for a partner is not
easy either. It asks the right choice of partner, a true commitment through
marriage, and the constant devotion to the partner and divine aspect of the
relationship. The relationship is not meant to fulfill one’s own desires but to
fulfill the duty of divine devotion. Through the accomplishment of this duty
one can reach the fruits of liberation, ecstasy and enlightenment. Sexual
pleasure is one of the fruits of the work, not one of the requirements of a
relationship.
4. Giving and receiving
By being there for others one
learns to be present. By giving one learns to receive. By being an instrument
for the divine, one becomes the divine itself. By honoring, one becomes
honored. By loving, one becomes loved. By giving joy and sexual pleasure, one
becomes joyful and full of pleasure. By allowing freedom, one becomes free
oneself.
5. Boundaries
A committed relationship is
like a vessel. It needs boundaries, care and space inside. Through the
development of this inner space, free yet contained, one merges with the
soullife of the other person. When the vessel is too narrow, the two partners
will be choked. When the vessel is too wide the relationship looses stability.
One needs a perfect equilibrium between space and containment.
This is the task of both
partners, each one for 100 % responsible for the whole of their relationship.
The magic of pure devotion is knowing that everything that happens in the other
is happening within oneself. Each aspect of the partner is an aspect of
oneself. Through the devotion towards all aspects, good and bad, in oneself and
in the partner, one can bring freedom, respect and love into the relationship.
6. The soul
The soul strives for liberation
through many incarnations. Each lifetime one sets out to learn and explore a
specific aspect of life and love. One attracts certain partners and situations
to develop this aspect. It is important to know your life-lesson in this
lifetime, so you can devote yourself fully to it. Choices will be made easier
and one can rest in the knowing that everything that happens is part of the
path of learning.
When liberation is achieved
there is no longer any striving or learning; there is just the enjoyment of
witnessing life happening in and around you. Searching for happiness has
reached an end, since you became happiness itself. The search for the divine is
over since you became the divine itself. This state of divine joy is the
original and true state of being, covered through the ages by ignorance and
forgetfulness. By waking up to the true state of being one remembers One Self,
and the small self -the
personality - is dissolved into the greater being.
When one has seen the
mountain of bliss,
one can't do anything but go
back to it, sooner or later.
Oh, Arunachala, Thou hast
captured my heart,
shining as a diamond, clear
as the night, bright as the sun,
without whose rays there
would be utter loneliness and darkness of the soul.
Bring me back to Thee, and
let me drink from the fountain of thy youth,
and melt in the bliss of thy
existence.
Light is on Thee, in Thee
and through Thee.
Be gentle on this mortal
soul
and grant me just one
glimpse of thy greatness
to be able to say: I bowed
and touched the feet of Thee, Eternal,
and my heart will never
be the same again.
7. Meeting a partner
A partner can help oneself to
reach the goal of this lifetime. One can choose a partner that either supports
one ‘s destiny or one that conflicts with one’s destiny. It is more beneficial
to find someone that supports the destiny, although many times conflict is
necessary to bring clarification and true commitment to one’s own life-goal or
destiny. Through lifetimes of strive one learns to dance in the end. Don’t
detest the conflict, but use it to become more strong and committed. Don’t
condemn the other, since the other is only there to help you become more clear
and committed. Thank the other not matter what.
To find long-lasting sexual joy
it is important that there is a merging of the soul, not only of the body, not
only of the mind, not only of the heart. All three are involved to bring
freedom and spiritual development. Physical contact only brings short-term
pleasure and disillusion afterwards. Only mind-contact results in intellectual
liberation but brings with it a sense of criticism, loneliness and abandonment.
Only heart-contact results in jealousy, and a loss of groundedness and physical
stableness.
8. Past life connections
Many partners meet each other
not for the first time; they have been partners or relatives in previous
lifetimes. They could have a connection as parent-child, friends, brother and
sister or any other connection. It is important to clarify the previous soul-connections
in order to understand and harmonize the present dynamics of the relationship.
There may be unfinished business, harm or grief lingering which influences the
present situation. This can be sorted out with the help of a seer, a person who
can see previous lifetimes, or one can go in trance or deep meditation and ask
for insight into the previous life connections. To right previous hurts or
imbalances one may do an offering to the Gods, pray or create a ritual in which
one asks for forgiveness. Do whatever is necessary to bring balance and peace
into the present situation and release the burdens of past life connection. By
releasing the past the relation becomes open to focus on the life-goals of both
partners.
9. Honor your parents
Many times when puberty-rites
are not properly committed, the men and women are still connected to their
parents, sexually and emotionally. The
man most of the time is still ‘married’ to his mother; the woman is
still married to her father. Make a simple ritual in which you speak out loud
you want to divorce and separate from your father or mother. Thank them for
being their son or daughter and give them back to their spouse. Honor your
parents as your parents. they are not your friends, nor your enemies, They are
the gate through which you came into this world. Don’t fight them, nor cling to
them. They are neutral in their act of giving life to you. You don’t owe them
anything, nor do they owe you anything. Just honor their lives and their
intimate connection and know that your soul belongs to God, not to them.
Neither do your children belong to you. They also belong to God, and you are
the mere doorkeepers to the beginning of their live. Honor their own path,
wherever it may lead them.
10. Having sex or making
love?
Never make love when you are
not in love. Making love is an act of divine intention. Never make love out of
duty, out of fear, out of boredom, out of relief, out of routine. Make it like
a prayer and prepare yourself before you enter into the temple of love-making.
Empty yourself from all other preoccupation’s. Empty your mind of all business
or other affairs or other people. Be clean, physically and mentally. Prepare
yourself to meet the unknown as if on an adventure. Never be ruled by what you
already know. The presence of God will guide you in the exploration of love
making. Leave all rules and obligations behind and surrender to the wisdom that
is inherent in your body and soul. Trust that you know exactly what to do and
how to meet the wishes of your partner. Be completely present for him or for
her and honor him as if he/she is the God/ess self.
11. Romantic love and divine
love
The difference between romantic
love and divine love is that romantic love is based on wanting to have and
divine love on wanting to give. Romantic love is focused on the projections of
the ego, while divine love focuses on the reality of the other. Romantic love
is temporary, conditional and unique, divine love is eternal, unconditional and
universal.
Romantic love can be a doorway
to divine love, when the ego is dissolved and the love for the other becomes
greater then the love for one’s own wishes and projections.
12. The bedroom as a temple
Make your bedroom into a
temple. Take away all clutter, unnecessary things, and definitely take away
shoes. Shoes don’t belong in a temple, neither do slippers. Walk barefoot in
your sleeping-room. Take away paper work, bureaus, photos of family, parents,
children, everything that is not connected to sleeping or making love. The
exception is a table and mirror for a woman to make herself beautiful, but even
this can be better in her own room. Embellish the room as you think fit. Give
it the right color, put some beautiful picture on the wall, and bring in
curtains, bedclothes and cushions in warm colors and make a little altar to
express your love and the inspiration of the Gods and Goddesses that you honor.
It is important to make this altar together and refresh it regularly, at least
once a week. Put fresh flowers, water and other things that connect you to the
Divine presence.
13. Cleanliness is next to
Godliness
Clean yourself before making
love. Clean your teeth, your face, your hair, wash your genitals, arm-pits,
your buttocks and anus, your feet and your nails and hands. Give proper
attention to your body and massage the skin for greater awareness and
sensitivity. A light oil might be used, but not too strong otherwise it absorbs
too much of the sweet smell of the skin which arouses your partner. Make the
house clean as well, especially the bedroom. Clean the floor, the sheets and
throw away all unnecessary things. Remember; a temple is a place of worship,
joy and beauty. Treat your body as a temple and embellish it as you think is fitting.
Wear light clothes, and take away things that remember you of daily business,
like a wallet, keys, money, paper, agenda etc.
14. From fantasy to reality
Many times we live out our
romantic or sexual dreams in fantasy. We have our favorite erotic stories when
we make love to ourselves or even when we make love to our partner. Although
fantasy isn’t bad in itself, it might keep us locked inside the mind, instead
of connecting to our partner. To make your dreams come true, write down your
fantasies and then burn them, praying you offer them to the God/Goddess.
Surrender to the pleasures of the Divine, instead of the imaginary pleasures of
the mind.
15. Fantasies
Fantasies attract what you
want. If you want to have a relationship you may fantasize about a partner. If
you want to continue a faithful relationship you may fantasize about your own
partner. If you start dreaming about other lovers you might attract others
partners. Fantasies create an echo in daily life, so you might be careful what
you ‘dream’ about. Visualisation - conscious fantasizing - can be a powerful
tool to your love life, but it takes a lot of control and responsibility. What
you want is not always what you need. You might discover this by experience. To
bring most happiness is asking God or the Goddess to bring you what you
need.
16. Be here now
When making love don’t think
about the past or the future. Never bring up stories of the past, not your own
past, nor the love life with others you had before. Only the present moment
counts. Never compare your love life with your present partner with another
partner, nor partners that you had before nor partners that you wish you would
have in the future. Only the present moment counts. Your present partner
embodies everything in a man or woman that is possible. Don’t limit your mind.
Make your partner the partner of your dreams. Do not think that there is
someone else who is better or more suited for you. If you do, you should not
make love to this person and take consequences. Sort out your heart before you
make love. Making love will not do this for you. You have to be like a virgin
going to the wedding-night. Devote yourself to your partner completely.
“There is nothing I can give you, which you
have not;
but there is much, very much, that while I
cannot give it, you can take.
No heaven can come to us unless our hearts
find rest in it today. Take heaven...
No peace lies in the future, which is not in
this present little instant.
Take peace...
The gloom of the world is
but a shadow; behind it, yet within reach is joy. There is radiance and glory
in the darkness, could we but see it - and to see it we only have to look.”
Giovanni 1518
17. Healthy attitude towards
sexuality
In sexuality a healthy body and
immune system are most important. And vice versa. A healthy body requires a
healthy sexuality. This doesn’t mean one needs to have a partner or have
regular sex. It means in the first place a healthy attitude towards one’s own
body and sexual feelings. Repression brings damage to the system and blocks the
life-force.
Unrestrained fulfillment of
sexual desire brings damage too and makes the body age quickly. Sexual energy
needs to be directed, nurtured and savored as the most precious food. Take it
with little quantities but know how to enjoy it purely and intensely, as if it
is the food of the divinity itself. Teach yourself to devote the pleasure of
sexuality to the divine and to the higher attainment of the soul. Enjoying the
pleasure for the sake of pleasure itself brings damage. It directs the energy
of sexuality towards the ego, which needs constant confirmation and
fulfillment. Enjoy the pleasures to the utmost, but bring them in alignment
with the divine principle in yourself. Direct your gaze up, not down, and your
pleasures will multiply.
18. Prolonging desire
Desire brings one to the divine
state of ecstasy. Don’t repress desire, nor fulfill it greedily. Prolong the
state of desire, as if one is in love but can’t reach fulfillment yet. Never
forcefully fulfill desire, because this is bringing harm to the physical and
emotional system. Cherish the desire and make it into a prayer of devotion and
longing. The more the longing, the higher the state of ecstasy. This requires a
state of surrender, not knowing if the desire will be fulfilled or not. This
longing yet not knowing if the beloved will fulfill the deepest wishes destroys
the ego and brings liberation of the mind.
Not knowing what the outcome
will be makes one surrender to the divine; only God can grant you your wishes.
Pray to him /her to give you all you need and want, and leave the content and
fulfillment to the Divine. Never expect a certain outcome, because this creates
disillusion. Be prepared to be surprised.
19. Immune system
Since sexuality involves the
exchange of bodily fluids containing strange and different bacteria, a good
immune system is required. The following tips will help you make your immune
system strong and healthy.
Have a healthy diet. Eat enough
vegetables, fruits and lots of water. Eat no meat, nor drink coffee, caffeine
or use drugs. Coffee and cigarettes make the body look old and grey. Meat
creates a different energy of the cells, through which the body looses its
natural beauty and becomes ‘meat-like’. People who eat meat a lot start to look
like pigs; their skin and bodily posture change and they become more fat. A
slender body is natural and is not difficult to attain. Refrain from sugar,
because this creates too much fire/aggression in the body. Eat instead lots of
honey. This is like oil to the body.
A strong boost to your immune
system is the following: Save some of your morning urine for three days in a
glass bottle. Then apply it to the body. Massage the whole body with the urine,
until it mixes with the skin-oil and becomes a soap-like, almost whitish,
fluid. Leave it on the skin for one hour, so it absorbs the urine. Then you can
wash yourself. When the urine is on the body the smell of it changes. When
absorbed by the body it gives a very quick and strong impulse to the whole
immune system and to the organs. The skin will look younger and becomes more
vibrant and soft.
20. The three roots of life
Cut three onions, three pieces
of garlic and three spoons of ginger in little pieces. Ginger, garlic and onion
are called ‘the three roots of life’. Heat a large quantity of oil in a big pan
and when the oil is hot throw the onion, garlic and ginger in. Let it simmer,
till the roots have absorbed all the oil. At some point the roots excrete the
oil again, taking with it all the nutrition and valuable ingredients of the
three roots. Then you can use this as a base for any meal. You can put in
vegetables like carrots, cabbage, cauliflower, potatoes or you can add cooked
lentils, beans, curry etc. This food is a strong help for potency and healthy
semen.
21. Physical exercise
Regular physical exercise keeps
the body in good shape. It takes care of blood-circulation, removes fat and
keeps the body alive. The exercise can be dancing, walking, climbing, sports or
yoga. Take enough water afterwards to release residue from the body. Never
force the body. Only from deep relaxation the body will open up and become more
free. In the west there is a tendency to strain the body to the maximum to get
more result. This is actually harming to the body. Strength and flexibility
come from giving in to the demands of the body. The body will show its
boundaries and by respecting those one can slowly surpass them. Real power
comes from surrendering to the laws of nature, not by forcing nature by the
human will. Always honor the body as the inner teacher, whichever sport you
perform. As soon as you put your mind or an outside authority in charge of you
own body you will do damage to your system.
A good oil massage after the
exercise will relax the skin and the nervous system.
22. Devotion to the Goddess
Bring regular devotion to the
image of the Goddess. Invite her into your sexual play or imagination. See her
as a white Goddess of light, bringing you the ultimate joy of sexuality.
Surrender to her teachings and to the pleasures she is willing to give you.
Make intimate contact with her and let her be part of your sexual adventures
and explorations. Honor her and be grateful for her presence in you. Let her
lead you into more enjoyable, healthy and everlasting pleasures.
You can also make an altar for
her presence, putting candles, posters, photos of erotic women, images of
Goddesses or tantric practices, stones on the altar. Flowers and water are
especially appreciated by the Goddess of love and sexuality.
The Shaktisangama Tantra says:
“Woman is the creator of the
universe, the universe is her form; woman is the foundation of the world, she
is the true form of the body. Whatever form she takes, whether the form of a
man or a woman, is the superior form. In woman is the form of all things, of
all that lives and moves in the world. There is no jewel rarer than woman, no
condition superior to that of woman. There is not, nor has been, nor will be
any destiny to equal that of woman; there is no kingdom, no wealth, to be
compared with a woman; there is not, nor has been, nor will be any holy place
like unto a woman. There is no prayer to equal a woman. There is not, nor has
been, nor will be any yoga to compare with a woman, no mystical formula nor
asceticism to match a woman. There are not, nor have been, nor will be, any
riches more valuable than woman.”
23. Earth ritual
Make yourself naked and bring
mud all over your body, massaging it in. Then let it dry. Feel your muscles,
your buttocks and sexual organs absorb the earth energy. Become like the earth.
create a warm and nurturing atmosphere, with candles and water.
Make yourself sexual and feel
the skin become like fertile ground, as if ready to grow crops and vegetables.
If you can be outside let the sun shine on your skin, till all the mud is dried
out. End with lying on the ground, while being embraced by mother earth. In the
house you can lie down on a blanket. Put on some nice music and take a rest.
Finally wash away the mud and let yourself be reborn. Observe yourself in the
mirror afterwards and praise your body.
24. Air ritual
Breath is life. When you are
breathing each other’s air you breath in the life of someone else. This
exercise is to melt deeper and bring more intimacy in your relationship. Sit on
cushions on the floor opposite each other. Take some time to connect to yourself
and your own body. Then start to breath consciously. Do not force your breath
but breathe in as deep and slow as you can, while looking each other in the
eyes. Keep on doing this during five minutes. Then close your eyes.
25. Water ritual
Take a bath together. Make a
warm bath, put candles all around, and put some nice soap in it. Start washing
each other, starting with the feet. Close your eyes and feel each other’s
presence and energy through the water. Water is a perfect medium to connect to
each other’s soul-energy. You can also embrace each other, as close as possible
and align the rhythm of your breaths. When you exit the bath you can dry each
other.
26. Fire ritual
Make a fire in the form of a
candle, a hearth or an open fire in nature. Bring fruits, sweets, nuts and
flowers. Dress up beautifully After you’ve lit the fire you may undress and sit
naked in front of the fire, feeling the warmth on your skin. Then you start to
make an offering to the fire, also called ‘the mouth of God’. You may say a
prayer, asking for what you wish in life or what you would like to let go of.
Then offer your sweets or fruit to the fire, stretch out your hands, and take
some of the hot air or upper flames towards you, as if washing your face. Then
sit still in silence for some time. Make your own variations.
27. Aphrodisiacs
A little alcohol (one or two
glasses) may loosen the senses, as well as smoking some soft drugs like
marihuana. This will greatly heighten the awareness of the body and the sexual
pleasure. Taken in big amounts it is unhealthy for the body and the mind. It
will block the blood circulation to the penis and bring the awareness down.
Taken in small quantities it is like an aphrodisiac and beneficial to the
system.
Other aphrodisiacs: hot ginger
tea. This heightens the awareness and brings clarity to the mind. Ginger is
also one of the roots that grant immortality and youthfulness.
Pineapple drink. This has a
good effect on the erection of a man and on his semen.
Lassi or yogurt-drink with
mango; it brings a sweet taste and helps to produce saliva. Everything that
helps to produce saliva is healthy. Saliva is the equivalent of the wetness of
a woman’s vulva.
28. Washing the feet
One of the ways to prepare
yourself and to honor the other is to wash each others’ feet. Take a long time
and do it with all attention. Take them one by one into your hands, look at the
feet and massage them softly. then you put them into the water and keep on massaging.
The water should be lukewarm. Then dry the foot of your beloved and you might
give a kiss to the foot. Don’t start to the erotic play yet, since this is only
the preparation. The longer you can build the erotic tension, the more
enjoyable it will be for your partner.
29. Foreplay
Foreplay starts with the
opening of the body, mind, heart and soul towards the Beloved. This can start
hours, days or even weeks before the actual act of love-making. It is a state
of being aware of the other person and inviting them into the house of your
soul. The other person will respond by showing signs of attraction and caring
and intimacy. This is the ‘Dance of the Lilies’. Neither partner should move
too fast, nor refrain or despair, but stay grounded and loving in their
attention towards the other person to give him or her the time to open their
soul towards you. To move too quickly towards sexual contact will bypass the
erotic interplay and the bonding of the energies of the soul. To move too
slowly will diminish the erotic depth of the meeting. Show signs of care and
attraction. Give words of love and encouragement. Do not intellectualize. Nor
talk about trivial things. Find the words that suit and comfort the other and
bring your attention to her or his being.
Use play and humor to help her
or him open up to the play of sexual intimacy. Enjoy eating, drinking, being in
nature, walking on the beach, listening to music and enjoying each other’s
company as parts of the foreplay. Use water (the sea, the river), fire
(candles, open fire), air, (walking outside, looking at the sky) earth (nature,
sitting on the ground) to align the body to the elements of nature. Avoid an
excess of one of these elements. Too much drinking, like alcohol, makes one
absent and blinds the senses. Too much food makes the body heavy and dulls the
senses. Too much people around creates a distraction. Everything should be
focused on the coming love-play and requires a sense of dedication and careful
planning, without being rigid.
30. Eating and making love
Never have a full meal before
making love. It brings all the blood to the stomach and this prevents the blood
from going to the erection or vulva. This causes many health problems. A light
meal may be taken, containing vegetables and rice. It is better to have two or
more hours between eating and making love, so most of the digestion has already
taken place.
31. Whole body massage
One way of giving each pleasure
is giving a whole body massage. Whole body refers not only to the one being
massaged, by especially to the one who is giving the massage. Make sure the
temperature in the room is comfortably warm. Both partners are undressed. If
this is a surprise-gift, you can keep a towel on and take it off later while
you are giving the massage. While you partner is lying on his/her belly on the
bed or on cushions on the floor, start with massaging with your hands. Use some
light massage-oil or olive-oil. The massage is better when the two of you get
slippery. Then start to use other parts of your body to give the massage; use
your feet, which are very erotic, your knees, your legs, your arms, your head
and hair, to touch all the parts of the body of your partner. In the end you
can use your breasts, your buttocks, your penis and balls, You can sit on your
partner, on the legs, the buttocks, the back or the head and move your hips in
circles. With your knees you can squeeze the body or the head of your partner.
If you are heavy weighted you have to lift yourself with your hands or knees.
Then it is time to turn around,
so your partner is lying on his or her back. Start the same way; first gently
rub the massage onto the skin, then you can start with the feet and the legs. A
woman can massage her partner with her breasts all over, starting with his feet
and ending with his head, which will be very erotic for him. She can massage
his penis between her breasts. But also her feet, legs, arms and buttocks will
do the trick. She can sit on his hips with her back towards him and slowly move
her buttocks towards his face, while making circles on his chest. She can end
with pushing her buttocks and her vulva on his face, or squeezing his face
between her legs.
A man can use his penis and
balls to do the massage, slapping or rubbing against her skin. But also his upper-legs,
upper-arms, hips and buttocks are a nice feeling to his partner. To make this
massage even more exciting, one can blindfold the partner.
32. Striptease
One of the ways to stimulate
the erotic impulse is through the eyes, especially for men. When they see the
round forms of buttocks, breasts, or legs there is an immediate response. But
also women have the same visual impulse when seeing the muscles, buttocks or
crotches of men.
To fully enjoy the visual play
of eroticism you can do a striptease for your partner. The art in doing the
striptease is to be selfish and fully enjoy the movements of your own body. The
more you find lust in revealing your nakedness and exploring your own
sensuality, the more your partner will enjoy the ’show’. Stand in front of him
or her and slowly undress. The partner who is watching doesn’t only have a
passive role. Visualize the Goddess herself or the God himself undressing,
tempting you and coming towards you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
While giving her or him loving attention you help to reveal more of your
partner’s inner beauty.
33. Intimate
touch
The striptease can be followed
by more intimate touch. A woman can crawl as a tiger towards her man and take
his penis in front of his eyes and start to lick it, before taking it into her
mouth and sucking him, while watching his face.
She can also straddle his face
as if riding a horse and push her pussy onto his lips, tongue and nose. Do it
slowly, so he can watch you coming down on him and tease him with your vulva.
You are the one in control. All this time; reach for the greatest pleasure,
while being aware of both your own and your partners feelings and sensations.
A man can take his cock and
start to caress her body with it, showing his erection. He can move up to her
face and play with his cock in front of her face, slapping it against her
cheeks or chin, to finally push it into her mouth. See how far you can play
with being the one in control while respecting your partner’s boundaries.
A man can also crawl as a tiger
over his partner and start licking her whole body, starting with her feet,
slowly making rounds towards her pussy.
Now again, all of this can go
two ways: it can bring greater pleasure and liberation, or it may bring disgust
or fear. The difference between the two is the complete devotion to the
pleasure of the other person. This doesn’t mean you need to take care all the
time, because even in being selfish you can let the other person feel you love
him or her. It is the inner attitude of devotion that makes the difference. Ask
for inner guidance and perform the act in a state of reverence and respect.
34. The Fountain, an
exercise for the man
Sit upright, meditate on the
heart. Bring the focus of attention to the heart and bring the heart in a state
of devotion. This can be the devotion for a partner, for music, nature or God
etc. Anything that brings feelings of love and beauty to the mind’s eye. Then
start to stimulate the body by touching the nipples or the testicles. Massage
them and rub them till you have an erection. Then stimulate the top of the
penis, the gland, as if a woman is sucking it. You can think of a woman’s body,
her breasts and vulva and her beauty. Then focus on her vulva and think as if
you are drinking form her nectar while reaching a climax at the same time. Let
the energy of the orgasm reach the mind and the top of the head. Enjoy the
feelings of sexual bliss and rest afterwards. Take enough water, fresh lemon,
pineapple to restore the semen.
35. Keeping the treasure
For a man it is not healthy to
ejaculate too often. The semen contains valuable proteins and other valid
nutrients for the body, including hormones. Losing semen too often brings the
creative and masculine energy down and creates sexual and concentration
disorders. Now holding the semen should not be done out of fear or suppression,
but out of a state of spontaneity and loving discipline. Coming once a week is
maximum. This doesn’t imply not to be sexual, on the contrary. A man who can
hold his semen will greatly enhance his sexuality and sensual joy. Be sexual as
much as you can be, but without creating a ejaculation. Bring the energy of
sexual joy into the heart and the mind, where it can expand into wisdom and
everlasting joy and spiritual wealth.
36. Sucking
When a woman sucks the cock of
her partner she gives all her love and devotion to his masculinity. While
surrendering to her pleasure of sucking she may give all of her attention and
love to him. It is one of the deepest ways of bowing to a man. Taking his seed
into your mouth, or receiving it on your face or breasts is one of the most
erotic sights for a man. It strengthens his trust, his presence and his
masculinity.
Honoring a man is called
‘playing the flute’ or ‘facing the bull’. There are three stages: looking,
touching and licking, and in these there are many variations. Each woman has
her own technique and favorites. Looking with longing makes the man proud and
trustful of his masculinity. His erection symbolizes the universal lingam of
Shiva, the creative principle of the cosmos. Sitting on her knees in front of
him is like worship and underlines her submission and service to him. On the
other hand, she has total control over him.
She can take his balls in her
hands and weigh them, or very gently squeeze them or pull them back. She can
caress his penis up and down and play with it between her hands. Finally she
can give little kisses on the shaft and on the top of the penis. She can put
her lips on the top, look him in the eye and take his whole penis inside her
mouth. She can play with her tongue around his gland, or make a ring of her
lips and take his penis in and out. The rim of the gland is the most sensitive
part of the penis. The skin is very thin and there are many nerves at the top
of the penis. She can play with her tongue on the top of his gland, or bite
lightly in the shaft.
Hard sucking so he will
ejaculate in your mouth is called ‘riding the bull’. Gently sucking as a kind
of foreplay is called ‘playing with the bull’. To have semen on the skin and
let it dry makes the skin look young and healthy. She can also take his balls
into her mouth and suck them and play with them with her tongue. Never press
the balls.
37. Sweet semen
To make the semen more tasty
and sweet, don’t drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or eat meat. Cigarettes make
the semen weak and make it taste like smoke. Sugar makes the semen bitter. Too
much salt makes the semen salty. Pineapple, honey, lemon, and yogurt make the
semen more tasty and sweet.
38. Cool semen
To have healthy and fertile
semen don’t wear trousers or shorts that bring the testicles too close to the
body. The semen needs to be cooler then the temperature of the body.
You can put your thumb and
index finger as a ring around the testicles and lightly pull them away. This
gives a nice sensation and can be done by the partner as well. The testicles
are sensitive but pulling them out is not unpleasant.
39. Massaging the anus
It is very healthy to give a
massage to the anus. You have to cut your nails before doing this. Use one
finger and some very light oil to massage the anus. Make first circles around
the anus so the muscles of the anus can relax. Then slowly enter, while making
sure that you don’t go too fast. There are many nerves in the ring-muscles of
the anus. Explore the inside of the anus while making round movements. Don’t go
deeper then one finger, and don’t use more then two fingers.
The person undergoing the
treatment should lie relaxed and breath into the buttocks to release everything
that comes up. One can also do a letting-go ritual, since the anus is connected
to holding on and letting go. Let go of the past, let go of pain, let go of
worries, let go of fear. Feel how it is that someone touches you from the
inside.
40. The penis
The thickness of the penis and
the rim of the gland of the penis give joy to the vulva of a woman each time it
enters and retreats.
To make the penis more thick
and the rim more full there needs to be a regular blood circulation into the
penis. Have an erection as much as possible without having an orgasm to bring
blood to the penis.
Rub the shaft of the penis
between your hands as if you are rolling dough for bread. Do this 36 times.
To make the rim more thick put
it in lukewarm water for three minutes each day and keep the foreskin back as
much as possible.
41. The second mouth
With the muscles of the vagina
the woman can give pleasure to her partner, by contracting and releasing them
when the penis of her partner is inside. This creates a sucking movement, just
as the sucking of the mouth.
To practice this movement you
draw the muscles of your perineum, the spot between anus and vulva inside and
up, as if holding the urine. Practice this as many times as you can. This
movement helps also to channel the sexual energy to move upwards to the heart
and the brain during an orgasm.
42. Premature ejaculation
When the man is about to
ejaculate he should give a sign to his partner to stop stimulating him so he
can refrain form coming and prolong the sexual play.
When the man is coming too
quickly he needs to learn how to relax. The woman can massage him without
stimulating his sexuality. By letting go of his tensions in his mind he will
find a way to prolong ejaculation.
43. Cock ring
A cock ring, a metal or leather
strap around the testicles and the base of the penis, helps to keep the
erection of a man and gives greater pleasure.
44. Honoring the Lotus
The Lotus is the name of the
vulva, the female genitals. A man can honor the Lotus of a woman by sitting in front
of her, while she is laying on her back. He can do this in three ways; by
looking, by touching and by licking.
The look of a man can beautify
the Lotus. If he can honor her with a loving look her vulva will become thick
and juicy as the bud of a flower. This is called the growing of the bud. For a
man the look of the vulva brings him in contact with the origin of life. To bow
in front of the Lotus is to honor the mystery of life.
After looking one can slowly
touch the Lotus. First around the flower, over the Venus-mount, the inner
thighs and the perineum, the spot between the vulva and the anus. Then one can
touch the outer lips and caress or pull lightly the pubic hair. With one finger
the man can touch the clitoris of the woman, the sacred bud of pleasure, first
light and slowly more firm. The woman can lead him in this and tell him what
she likes since this is quite delicate.
By putting his finger into her
vulva he can explore her wetness and feel the inner lips and the inside of the
Lotus. He may taste some of her honey by smelling or licking his fingers. This
is called the ‘Opening of the bud’.
Last of all he may kiss her
vulva, starting with little kisses on and around her lips pubic bone, and inner
thigh. He may take her outer lips into his mouth and gently suck them. Then he
can lick her clitoris with the tip of his tongue, or take long streaks with his
tongue through her vulva or dive his tongue deep inside her. This is called
‘Kissing the Flower’. To make the experience more intense the woman can touch
her nipples, or she can grab the hair of the man and push him closer into her
vulva. While the man should contain his orgasms, she can come as much as she
wants. Coming into his face gives him a great sensation of Shakti, the
female-energy. The subtle energies that are released form the vulva while
coming are very beneficial for his mental, physical and spiritual health. It
brings him in direct contact with the waters of the feminine and quenches his
thirst for it.
This is called ‘Drinking of the
Nectar.’
Along with GPO, he experienced bliss.
By uniting the diamond scepter and lotus,
He attained the fruit of bliss.
Buddhahood is obtained from bliss, and
Apart from women there will
not be bliss
45. Surrender
For the spiritual development
of a man it is important that he learns to surrender to the feminine aspect,
the Shakti. He has to bow to her feet and willingly surrender his male power,
to be reborn and find a new strength in communion with the feminine. There are
some exercises that represents this and help the man to surrender. This demands
a great precision and integrity of the woman who is in charge in this exercise.
She has to help him to surrender in love and integrate her feminine aspect in
himself, and not to take the honor personally, which would only flatter her ego
and diminish his power.
The woman has to undress her
partner or tell him to undress. He is not allowed to do or say anything. She
gives the orders and he has to follow her blindly. She then binds the man by
hands and feet, and blindfolds him. She can tie him to the bed or to the wall.
She can then start to give him his ‘punishment’ and tell him so. He needs to be
punished and humiliated, but instead of doing this she gives him pleasure. She
can tickle him, slap him on his body or in his face, and tell him how worthless
he is. She can use a whip or her slip to slap him. Do not slap the genitals or
the balls. When he begs to stop, you may order him to lick you or do other
things that give you pleasure. She may ask him to lick her ass, which is a sign
of subordination, but gives pleasure at the same time. Be careful for physical
pain, since this is not the purpose of the exercise. The purpose is to teach a
man that there is pleasure in surrender, while he fears defeat and pain. So you
can scare him, but not hurt him.
The end of the exercise is
important and needs to be done properly. Untie your partner and sit opposite
each other in silent meditation for 10 minutes or more. Then you may open your
eyes, and bow to each other, consciously leaving the roles of suppresser and
victim. When this final act is not done, the taken roles might linger on in
daily life and become actual reality and do harm to the relationship. It is a
ritual in which both partners take on archetypal roles to bring enlightenment
and inner freedom, not slavery or merely feelings of lust. Ask for spiritual
guidance when performing this ritual before you start.
The whole ritual can be done in
reversed position, with the woman as victim and the man as oppressor. This is
even harder for the man to perform, since it is his natural tendency to be the
boss and see his partner as sexually submissive to him. Instead he has to see
his partner’s greatness while playing to punish her for ‘her sins’ and
demanding to be served well sexually. It may bring up emotional reactions for
the woman but when she has consented to the ritual, she is not to stop while it
is being performed. Instead she has to relive the emotions and go through them.
Again, this takes a firm but complete integrity and precision of the man. He
has to honor her emotional reactions while not giving in to her pleas. No
physical pain is to be done; it is only the threat of humiliation and punishment
that may scare her and make her vulnerable. For the woman the lesson is to
understand that when she surrenders to the masculine, represented by her
partner, she will in the end experience bliss and pleasure. Fear of being hurt,
being overpowered or loosing her freedom might take her away from this
experience.
The man may say she is a slut,
that she is worthless and only needs his sex, and he may tickle her with a
feather, lightly slap her face with his hand or with his penis. Do not slap the
genitals nor the breasts. The man may order her to suck him but he is not
supposed to ejaculate. He has to stay focused on his partner, and not on his
own orgasm. This would ruin the purpose of the exercise since an orgasm changes
the man’s concentration. For a woman this is different. She is allowed to come
as many times she wants while being the prosecutor.
Again, the ritual should be
ended with a ten minute meditation, a conscious letting go of both roles and
both partners bowing to each other in respect and thankfulness and for the
given experience. Remember for both parties; whatever is being done says nothing
about the other but is only to be used as a reflection for your own reactions
and behavior in the given situation.
Reversing roles should not be
done during the same evening or even week. Take time in between to reflect.
46. Hitting the buttocks
The buttocks contain many
nerves and a good hitting is very healthy and can be done in a nice way by
playfully punishing your partner. This can be part of the surrender ritual. Hit
with the flat hand, not too light nor too hard. The skin may become red which
is a good sign of blood-circulation.
47. Biting
You may enjoy biting or being
bitten by your partner. Favorite places are bites in the neck, the arms, the
buttocks and the legs. Never bite in the face, the breasts, the stomach or the
genitals. Some people may enjoy biting the lips or the nipples. A slight pain
may cause sensations of pleasure and sexual arousal.
48. Churning the milk
Although entering the yoni is
the ultimate part of lovemaking, take all your time to get there. It should be
part of a long meeting of enjoying, touching, playing, talking and kissing.
For the man to enter the vulva
of a woman there are many variations. You can move in and out for just a little
bit, which is called ‘touching the surface’. You can also go into the vulva
with the whole length of the penis, which is called ‘diving deep’. You can vary
these and see what brings the most pleasure. To make a start you may try to
touch the surface five times, and then diving deep for two times, and repeat
this. . You can enter slowly, turning this way and that, making circles with
your hips, which is called ‘churning the milk’.
The woman can put her legs into
the air or to her shoulders, so her vulva becomes completely open. This is
called ‘Splitting the bamboo’.
Constantly take refuge at my feet, my dear...
Be gracious, beloved, and
Give me pleasure with your diamond scepter.
Look at my three-petalled lotus,
Its center adorned with a stamen.
It is a Buddha paradise, adorned with a red
Buddha,
A cosmic mother who bestows
Bliss and tranquillity on the passionate.
Abandon all conceptual thought and
Unite with my reclining form;
Place my feet upon your shoulders and look me
up and down.
Make the fully awakened scepter
Enter the opening in the center of the lotus.
Move a hundred, thousand, hundred thousand
times
In my three-petalled lotus Of swollen flesh.
Placing one's scepter there, offer pleasure
to her mind.
Wind, inner wind-my lotus is the unexcelled!
Aroused by the tip of the diamond scepter,
It is red like a bandhuka
flower.
Candamaharosana-tantra
49. Spoons in a box
A most relaxing exercise is
when the man enters the woman from behind while they are both lying on their
side. For the woman this is a way of cuddling herself and enjoying the presence
of a masculine energy behind her, which nourishes her. The man can stroke her
hair, her back or her arms, or put his arms and hands holding her heart. A
woman can even put a thumb in her mouth and take on the position of a fetus in
the womb.
50. Divine communion
Divine communion is the
exercise of aligning the bodies of both partners in a vertical position. The
man sits on the ground in lotus -posture or on a chair, and the woman sits on
his lap, putting her legs around his wrist. All chakras of the body are
touching each other which makes the perfect situation. It is a posture that can
be done at the end of lovemaking. Align your movements and breathing into the
same rhythm. When you both move towards orgasm make sure you look each other in
the eyes. While coming keep looking at each other and kiss each other as if you
breathe into each other. In this way all sexual energy is preserved and will
circulate through both bodies, touching all the chakras.
When having the orgasm think of
the divine feminine and the divine masculine copulating and merging with your
own. In this way you create a channel of love between heaven and earth, which
has powerful effects to the people involved but also to the world around, since
everything is connected.
51. Afterplay
Feed each other sweets, honey,
tea and fruit after love-making. Stay in the vibe of love. It is best to make
love not at the end of the day, when you are tired. Be fresh and awake. Because
there are sleep hormones released in a man’s brain he will have the tendency to
fall asleep. This is not a problem. Take a little nap and wake up again to
share time with your partner. She can gently wake him up after five or ten
minutes. Keep the sweat and love-juices on your body. Don’t wash them away
immediately to prolong the intimacy. Be thankful for sharing this divine gift
and show each other your thanks. Respect your differences and your
individuality. Remember that the other person is not your property and is only
a doorway to your own divinity. By thanking each other you confirm the
individuality of both partners and create space again. The space is needed for
further growth and development. When two trees grow too close to each other
they stand in each others shadow.
52. Unfulfilled desires
When
you are unfulfilled, don’t go shopping. A new lover will never fill up your
unfulfilled desire. It might seem so in the beginning, but in the end you will
be faced with the same problem as before. Turn instead inside; turn to God or
the Goddess. Give him/her your problem and ask for a solution. Praying is a
powerful tool to become more fulfilled, even if things look impossible. Through
insight, wisdom and devotion you can find the underlying pattern or reasons why
things are happening the way they happen.
To become more sexually
fulfilled, invite God into your lovemaking. This may seem like a unhonorable
advice, but there is nothing more intimate than sharing God in your most
private moments. For God this is not strange, since he invented lovemaking. It
is part of the sacredness of life, and to put it into a separate box we have
desecrated lovemaking. We’ve disconnected God or the divine from the most
beautiful, intimate and sacred part of our life. It is time to invite her back
in again.
53. Breaking the spell;
letting go of parents’ expectations
Sometimes parents leave a
strong imprint of their own unfulfilled expectations unto their children. They
hope that their offspring will find the solution to their problem. Often the
father projects his ambitions in life unto their sons, as the mother tries to
project her wishes in life unto her daughter. The mother might secretly want
her child to have several lovers. Or the father might want her daughter to have
a career and never stay with her husband. His own search for freedom is
projected unto the daughter. Instead of giving them freedom and a healthy trust
they give them a fixed idea which works like a spell. The child can’t undo the
spell without breaking the expectations and love of their parents, so it will
become trapped; it will have either the love of their parents or it will have
to break the spell.
Here is a ritual to break the
spell.
Write down all the wishes your
father and mother had in life which were not completely fulfilled. These might
be sexual wishes, emotional wishes, financial wishes, spiritual wishes or
social wishes. It might even be small or concrete things, like wanting to have
a garden or a washing machine.
Read this list out loud to your
partner. After each wish the partner says the following sentence: “I will
give you everything you want. There is nothing I will withhold from you. I wish
you to become totally fulfilled.”
Now you burn the list and say
the following sentences: ”I’m willing to let go of the wishes of my parents.
I honor their lives and what they have created; I honor both their happiness as
well as their pain. I’m not responsible any more to fulfill their desires. I
allow myself to live my own life.
To your partner you say: “I
honor you as my partner and realize that you give me everything I need. All my
wishes and desires, spoken or unspoken, I put at your feet, knowing that you
will fulfill everything.
Bow to each other and thank
each other.
54. Finding a partner
A woman will want a man who can
provide and protect; sexually, financially, emotionally, intellectually and
spiritually. Providing and protecting are the two basic male qualities.
Consciously and unconsciously she will look for the right partner that will fit
her desires and needs.
Sexually she will look at the
size, length and width of his penis to provide her pleasure, fitting to the
size of her own vulva. Will be he able to give her pleasures and will he be
able to provide for children? This is also measured in the amount of sperm he
produces. The smell, the look, his hair, his length and his muscles will be
part of her physical attraction to him.
Financially she will look for a
partner who will be able to sustain a household. This ability is reflected in
his clothes, his financial behavior, his income, and his car.
On the emotional level she will
look for a man who can provide emotional stability. If she is very emotional
she will look for a partner who will be able to contain her emotions. If the
intellectual or spiritual aspect is important in her life, she will look for a
partner who will fit her on those levels.
A man will want a woman who can
receive and contain: sexually, financially, emotionally, intellectually,
spiritually. Receiving and containing are the two basic feminine qualities.
Consciously or unconsciously a man will scan for the right partner who can
provide for his needs and wants.
Sexually he will look for a
woman who fits his penis, gives him pleasure and the possibility of children.
Her sexual attraction is accentuated by her lips, her make-up, her bare skin,
and the roundness and proportions of her belly, breasts, buttocks, legs and
arms. Financially he will look for a woman who will fit his ability to provide
for her. Emotionally he will look for a woman who can receive and contain his
emotions, his weaknesses and his strengths. When he has a strong focus on the
intellectual and spiritual aspects of life, he will look for a woman that fits
his desires on these levels.
Some of the above-mentioned
aspects may be more or less conscious. Some people may have a strong focus on
sexual attraction, others may focus on emotional attraction, or spiritual
attraction. But unconsciously the other aspects are still working. All the
above mentioned aspects together play a role in the attraction and meeting of
partners. Yet, there is one aspect that is underlying all the others; it is the
soul-aspect. There are contracts of the soul that need to be fulfilled. In the
exercise about the soul-contract you can learn more about this aspect of the
meeting of two lovers.
To find your ‘perfect lover’
and get a clear and full scope of attraction there is the following exercise.
Make
a wish list of how you would like your partner to be. Specify between sexual,
financial, emotional, intellectual and spiritual wishes. Make the list as
complete and detailed as possible. Create a complete image of your perfect
lover Then do a meditation to meet your partner. See him or her approaching
you. Start a conversation with him or her and ask your partner-to-be how you
can serve him or her. What can you do to meet each other? Is there anything you
need to let go of? Get acquainted with the energy of the other person on a
soul-level. This will prepare yourself for the real meeting in person.
After the meditation you burn
the list. You can say the prayer: “I am willing to meet my soul-partner. I’m
open to receive the love and friendship of another person in my life. I honor
my personal wishes and desires but I’m ready to let go of them. I trust that
the right person will come to me. I give my love life in God’s hands and know
that He will perfectly take care of me.”
Warning: This exercise is only
to be done for people who don’t have a partner yet. If you are doing this exercise while being in a
relationship you create disharmony; You start to attract another person into
your life. Better look at the reason why you are not content with the partner
you presently have. This is a law of right attention. Never look for greener
grass on the other side: first take care of your own garden. Love is not considered
to be a commodity you can exchange or order at your command. It is given as a
present and should be gracefully received as such.
55. Soul contract
Each soul chooses another soul
to help each other fulfill these contracts and to learn and develop oneself in
life. It is important to know which contract one has made with another soul, so
the relationship becomes more clear and focused. These contracts may be on the
sexual level, the emotional level or any other.
To find out what your soul
contract is you can do the following exercise:
Start a meditation. Visualize
your partner and visualize your relationship-angel; the guide who is there to
help you fulfill your contract and protects your relationship.
See yourself and your partner
approaching the guide and kneel in front of her/him.
Ask the guide what the two of
you have to learn form each other; what the purpose of your meeting and
relationship is. The answer can be received in the form of an image, a
sentence, a feeling or an intuitive knowing.
Thank the guide for the help
and guidance and place your heart symbolically in her or his hands. Then bow to
your partner. You can say the following prayer:
“I am willing to surrender
to the higher purpose of our meeting. I bow to your soul and know that I am
here to help you. I am willing to do everything that is needed to help you find
your destiny and to fulfill our soul-contract. I will do this with joy and
gratefulness. I know you are doing the same to me, even if I don’t understand
this sometimes. I trust you bring the highest good in me to the surface and
challenge me to fulfill my destiny. So be it.”
56. The secret journey
A man can take his partner on a
secret journey. It is an archetypal gesture, which helps the woman to surrender
to the masculine. She has to follow him on his path. This is normally done
during the honeymoon, but also later in the relationship it can be a very
valuable tool to strengthen the love between partners. The man prepares
everything; the destination, the luggage, the journey, the finances and if
needed, a solution for the children. Special care needs to be taken for
comfort. It is not a survival-journey nor is it to satisfy the special interest
of one of the two partners. The destination may be neutral, but comfortable and
sunny. The man organizes this in secret and makes sure his partner doesn’t have
important meetings during the designated time. The journey can last three days
or more. It is a gift from him to her and assures her trust that he is able to
care for her.
57. Touch of the divine:
opening the seven chakras
Make yourself comfortable, sit
or lay down so you can completely relax the body. Every inner development comes
from deep relaxation. When the body relaxes the soul can do its work properly.
Learn to go more slowly, breathe more slowly, move more slowly. You can put on
some relaxing music if you want and light a candle. When you lay down you
visualize the God/ Goddess of intimate enlightenment and love approaching you.
She may have the form of Aphrodite or Eros, Laksmi or Jesus or any other
enlightened master that is closely related to you. She/he will come slowly
towards you, as a lover that wants to smell a flower. Welcome Her/Him into your
soul and tell her/him that you are ready and willing to surrender to the
Divine.
She/He starts to kiss all your
chakras awake, starting with the lowest ones. She/He will kiss also those
places in your body that you can’t reach yourself or places that needs
nourishment and enlightenment. Make it a sensual affair, as a long and elaborate
lovemaking, in which you are the one being kissed awake. You are passive, while
you let the God/Goddess enter, explore and kiss your body. She can kiss with
her tongue, but also with the touch of her breasts or yoni, as well as the God
can kiss awake the chakras using his fingers, his lips, his hips or his lingam
of light. Every touch is divine and will lighten up some hidden or dark part
inside your body/soul. Make it a most enjoyable, exquisite experience and
surrender completely to the touch of the divine. Some unexpected images may
surface in your mind, which you can just allow to happen. Know that you are
protected and safe during this experience.
The seven chakras are the root
chakra, between the anus and genitals, the navel chakra, the solar plexus
chakra, the heart chakra, the throat chakra, the third eye between the two
parts of the brain and the crown chakra on the top of the skull.
The imagery of this exercise is described by Ramakrishna, one of the
great sages of India and author of The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna.
O Kali, my Mother full of Bliss! Enchantress
of the almighty Shiva!
In Thy delirious joy Thou dancest, clapping
Thy hands together!
Thou art the Mover of all
that move, and we are but Thy helpless toys
Ramakrishna Paramhansa
58. Avoiding suffering
Sexual pleasure is one of the
most delicious gifts, but it is important to avoid suffering. Suffering from
heart-pain and sexual hurt can be severe and needs a long time to heal. Sexual
freedom and liberation doesn’t come without responsibility.
In order to avoid suffering -
both of oneself and of the partner - one needs to have the right attitude,
right partner, right speech, right thoughts, right time, right space, right
action.
The right attitude is one of
devotion, not of emotional dependency or physical release. It is a giving, not
a getting.
The right partner is your own
partner, with whom you share a committed relationship. Taking someone else’s
partner, or having sex outside a committed relationship creates suffering. Even
thinking of someone else’s partner creates suffering in a very subtle way.
Learn to control your mind and direct it towards the divine instead.
The right speech is one of
caring, enjoying and appreciating. Don’t discuss problems, daily affairs or
other people - friends, family, (ex)lovers-. They might be important, but not
within the context of lovemaking.
The right thought is one of
beauty, wisdom and compassion. Thought can be directed. Become a master over
your thoughts. Dispel thoughts that are pulling you or your partner down,
instead create thoughts that lift you and your partner up.
The right time is the time of
abundance. There should not be a hurry or time-limit in order to gain a sense
of timelessness
The right space is a holy
space. Create a temple to enjoy the love-making.
The right action is one of
moderation, spontaneity and freedom. Don’t indulge in over-eating; to have sex
too often. Be moderate, yet find abundance, ecstasy and eternity within the
given boundaries.
Don’t indulge in perversities
of the mind or indulge in emotions. Be clear and focused.
The seven emotions that create
suffering are: jealousy, anger, sadness, fear, arrogance, laziness and hatred.
When you feel these emotions coming up, acknowledge
them and let them go. They are not bad or to be pushed away, but to be deeply
honored as doorways to a deeper understanding of the Self. They are the keys to
the divine, if you are willing to let them dissolve in the eternal mind. Offer
them to the goddess and she will grant you a gift which will nourish you from
her abundance. In this way the negative emotion will be transformed and turned
to the light.
59. Male-female
There are two opposing forces
in tantric sex: the male force and the female force. The male force is
penetrating, discriminating and limiting. It creates boundaries and strives for
right action, right partner, right attitude and so on.
The female force is receptive,
inclusive and limitless. It creates space for the creation of love, joy,
healing, surrender and flow.
The male aspect discriminates
between right and wrong action, between right and wrong attitude, between right
and wrong partner. The male aspect creates order. The female aspect includes
all actions, all attitudes and all choices. It doesn’t discriminate between right
and wrong, but sees everything as divine manifestation. The female aspect
creates chaos.
Both the male and female
aspects are needed to develop a healthy sexual life. When there is too much
attention on the male force one gets rigid and aggressive or suppressive. When
there is too much focus on the female force, things get out of hand; there is
no order anymore and the forces of chaos can create emotional drama, mental
perversions and physical bestialities.
60. Human love vs. divine
love
The difference between human
love and divine love is that human love is based on wanting, needing and
sometimes demanding. Divine love is based on giving, devotion and embracing.
But in order to be able to give and devote oneself to the partner, one needs to
know ones own needs and wants and surrender them to the divine. This
surrendering is the key to transform ones love into a divine gift. Surrender
your needs and you will be given. Surrender your demands and you will be
served. Surrender your desires and you will enjoy abundance.
61. Karma
Karma is the law of cause and
effect. Everything we do causes ripples in the pond of the future. Everything
we have done in this or previous lives have an effect on the present moment.
This is not a matter of guilt or getting even, as we tend to think, but a
simple matter of cause and effect. We need to understand the implications of
what we create and learn from our actions. It is the way the universe gives us
feedback by showing us the other side. In other words, everything we do to
someone else will come back to us. In this way we can experience both sides of
our actions. This is why it is said: ‘Don’t do to others what you dislike
yourself.’
In sexual interplay this is
true as well. The Kama Sutra stresses the point of sambogha and ahimsa. Sambogha means sexual
intercourse but on a basis of equality and a joyous harmony between the
partners. Any pressure, manipulation or inequality between the partners leads
to an ending of the loveplay.
Instead each act of love, joy
and eroticism needs to be met by the other on a free basis so the play of love
can continue and deepen.
Ahimsa is the principle of
non-harming. One should not harm the other as well as avoid the other to harm
you. Each hurt creates a imbalance and thus an act of Karma, which will come
back in its reversed way. Helping the other not to harm you is a way to avoid
being a victim, but also helping the other not to create negative karma.
62. The Body
The body is a highly complex
organism. Don’t treat it as a car or as a machine. It is a temple. Keep it
fresh and clean and do a regular prayer to give it beauty and love. Don’t order
your body around. Listen to it and honor its needs. Accept its rhythm of
sleeping, eating, resting, making love, moving or dancing. Give it protection
and safety. Don’t let it be abused by others, neither in a physical, mental or
emotional way. To make love the body needs to be flexible and open to receive
the other person. The body is like an instrument; the better you learn to play
with it, the more beautiful the music that comes out. In the loveplay the music
becomes like a duet, and when you devote the loveplay to the divine it even
starts to sound like an orchestra.
63. Step by step
A healthy sex life is a
combination of physical strength and beauty, emotional integrity and love,
mental clarity and spiritual surrender that creates the harmony between two
lovers. When one of these things is out of tune, you have to look at it and work
on it, so it becomes more translucent and harmonious. This sounds like an
everlasting job to be done, but it is not so much the outcome as well as the
intention that counts. The road towards the end is part of the loveplay. Don’t
hurry along the road, but don’t waver either. Don’t get lost in sidetracks,
thinking spiritual liberation will come some other time or other life. This is
the moment. Each little step counts. Each attention you give to that highly
evolved being that you are is valuable. Each kiss given with devotion, each
caress and each sign of adoration is a divine gift that changes the universe.
Don’t underestimate the power of love. It is there to be used, to be explored,
to be cherished. Never think it is not for you to be enjoyed. Don’t invent
reasons why you shouldn’t walk on the path of love. Don’t look up to it,
neither look down on it, as if it is below your intellectual or spiritual level. Honor
it as the most precious diamond that will give you never-ending riches and
abundance. Even when it hurts, it might give you jewels, if you don’t throw the
present away that is wrapped in your sorrow, your pain or your loneliness.
Go step by step and the road will show itself to
you.
64 Calling the Goddess
In India,
Gods and Goddesses are personifications of certain archetypal energies in life.
The Gods and Goddesses are worshipped to come in contact with those energies
and to make a connection between the divine and the human plane. As above, so
below. One of these Goddesses is Lalita, the playful Goddess. Actually she is
worshipped as the great Goddess, the one who encompasses the whole of
existence. She can be worshipped by many names and by many ways, but as she is
a feminine God, she can also be worshipped by the devotion to a woman. Just as
any man is the created in the image of God, so any woman is the personification
of the Goddess.
In India
there is a tradition to call on the great Goddess by reciting her thousand
names. It invokes her essence to come into our life. Because thousand names
would make this book excessively long, I’ve opted for the short western way:
I’ve picked a selection of 64 names which represent the Goddess in most of her
aspects. Just by reading out loud these lines you will get a feeling of the
magnitude of Lalita, the playful Goddess, and the positive influence she can
have. While you read you may notice certain reactions in your body and soul.
64 names of Lalita
Honor to Her who is the Mistress of the whole universe.
Honor to Her who is Supreme Bliss.
Honor to Her who is a treasure house of Divine beauty.
Honor to Her the look of whose eyes is full of grace.
Honor to Her who came out of the fire of pure consciousness.
Honor to Her who has the universe in her womb.
Honor to the Divine mother, who is the mother of all.
Honor to Her who is the playful; Her play being the creation, the
sustention and the dissolution of the universe.
Honor to Her whose face is lit with a gentle smile.
Honor to Her who bestows the fourfold values of life: integrity, wealth,
pleasure and liberation.
Honor to Her who is the Infinite without any limitation.
Honor to Her who is as fine and firm as the fiber of a lotus stalk.
Honor to Her who has the orbs of the sun and the moon as Her pair of ear
pendants.
Honor to Her whose eyes are like lotus petals.
Honor to Her who is ever youthful.
Honor to Her who is love in women.
Honor to Her who is the consort of Shiva.
Honor to Her whose form is subtle.
Honor to Her whose immense joy consists in union with Shiva.
Honor to Her who is ever with Her consort.
Honor to Her who is the embodiment of all Tantras.
Honor to Her who is herself the greatest Tantra.
Honor to Her who embodies the sixty four forms of fine arts.
Honor to Her who is the bestower of happiness.
Honor to Her who is eternally free.
Honor to Her who is ever awake consciousness.
Honor to Her who is without pride.
Honor to Her who dispels all illusions.
Honor to Her who destroys the tendency to get angry.
Honor to Her who puts an end to all sorrow.
Honor to Her who is deeply compassionate.
Honor to Her who transcends both good and evil.
Honor to Her whose commands the Vedas are.
Honor to Her who resides in the rootchakra as the Kundalini power.
Honor to Her who dwells in the heart and thereby gives highest
satisfaction.
Honor to Her who has nothing to reject nor to seek.
Honor to Her who is charming.
Honor to Her who is all that is feminine.
Honor to Her who is the body of all beings.
Honor to Her who protects both the soul and the body.
Honor to Her who releases the ignorant from their bond of ignorance.
Honor to Her who is both Knowledge and Ignorance.
Honor to Her who is beyond the ranch of mind and speech.
Honor to Her who cures all ills.
Honor to Her who is attained through true devotion.
Honor to Her who loves to have offerings of honey.
Honor to Her who loves to have offerings of all kinds of food.
Honor to Her who is difficult to attain.
Honor to Her who is hard to worship by those having no control over the
senses.
Honor to Her whose worship is easy for those whose metal gaze in turned
inward.
Honor to Her whose worship is difficult for those whose mental gaze goes
outwards.
Honor to Her who can be approached through meditation.
Honor to Her who is fond of music.
Honor to Her who delights in the language of poetry.
Honor to Her who is pleased with a litany of Her names.
Honor to Her who is realized through devoted meditation.
Honor to Her who is the bliss realized through Yoga.
Honor to Her whose form is denoted by the letters of our language.
Honor to Her who is the essence of all the Vedas (sacred Indian texts).
Honor to Her who is righteous.
Honor to Her who is the great Devourer.
Honor to Her who is like a lotus in bloom.
Honor to Her who is eternal.
Honor to Her who is the All.
A story: the monk and the
tigress
Once upon a time a young monk
sat at the feet of his guru and asked him: “Dear Master, I want to conquer my
lust. I am so troubled by it. How can I get rid of it?”
“Aaah, dear son,” the master
replied. “This is not so easy, what you ask. Many disciples have tried and
failed. It is the most dangerous undertaking. Are you sure you want to conquer
your lust?”
“Oh, please, dear master, tell
me. There is nothing else I want. Otherwise I will never be fulfilled and I
long to become like you. I want to be peaceful and not be tormented by lustful
thoughts.”
“If you persist I will tell you
what to do. But be aware; you might not survive the challenge.”
“I am willing to die, if
needed,” the young pupil replied.
“Then so be it,” the master
said. “You have to go into the woods behind the mountains. There are tigers
living there. You have to catch a tooth of a tigress, which are the most fierce
of all. They can slay you with one bite. This is the way to conquer your lust.”
The boy understood he was in
trouble. There was no escape. Either he was going to conquer his lust, or he
would wander around the rest of his life being troubled by his lustful desires.
Although he was afraid he would
die, he gathered all the courage he had and left the next morning for the
mountains. The further he came the more afraid he was. When he passed over the
mountains he couldn’t even think anymore about how to get the tooth, since fear
had gotten him completely. I’ll never make it, the boy thought. I should have
stayed in the monastery and settled for a less difficult task. This is too
dangerous. When he arrived in the woods he saw the footprints of numerous
tigers. ‘This is the end of it.’
When he advanced he suddenly
saw a huge tigress coming out of the bushes. ‘There is my meal of the day,’ the
tigress thought. ‘Another of these stupid young monks trying to get me. How can
they be so silly to think they can conquer me?’ But as soon as the young monk
saw the tigress, he burst out laughing, and couldn’t stop. He laughed and
laughed because he knew there was no way he could ever win, but death didn’t
scare him anymore. The boy knew he and the tigress were part of the same game
that would never end. There was no difference between living or dying anymore.
The tigress was stupefied.
‘What is this young boy laughing about, if he knows he is going to die?” she
thought. She became more and more curious and slowly approached him. She
started growling and showed her teeth, but the more she threatened him, the
more the boy had to laugh. She tried everything to scare him, but without
result. At one point the tigress gave up. She put her head in the lap of the
monk and fell asleep. The monk caressed the tigress, and now and then she
growled.
A few weeks passed and on a
sunny day the young monk came walking back to the monastery with the tigress by
his side. He went to his guru and sat before him, next to his tigress.
“I brought you the tooth of the
tigress,” he said, and he put his hand in the mouth of the animal. “Very well,”
the guru said. “You’ve passed the test.”
Hi,
I'm doing a master's level research on candamaharoshan tantra, do you have anything to share?
Thanks
Lissa
(a Nepali- French who lives in India)
Geplaatst door: Lissa | 01/27/2011 om 02:28 nm
PLEASE Send me info on how to purchase the book.
Geplaatst door: Dayan Arias | 11/18/2011 om 03:07 vm